"Baby, Baby. Find the Best One."
This is a story about a man who says “Baby, baby, find the best one” while secretly knowing he can’t afford it. A brutally honest (and hilarious) look at delusion, money, and modern relationships.
There’s a very specific kind of delusion a man has when he says:
“Baby, baby… find the best one.”
It sounds strong.
Decisive.
Provider energy.
Like he’s about to wire $2.3 million without blinking.
What he does not say is:
- His checking account just flinched
- His savings account is more of a concept
- His calculator app is about to get more reps than he does
Because internally?
He’s already doing the math.
She’s scrolling Zillow like it’s Pinterest.
“Look at this one… it’s only $1.8.”
Only.
Only???
This man hasn’t seen $1.8 million unless it was on Zillow… or in a dream where everything was going well.
But he stays calm.
Leans back.
Nods slightly.
“Yeah… I like that one.”
Like???
His chest is tightening.
He just mentally divided the mortgage by 30 years… then by 12 months… then opened his banking app and immediately closed it like he saw something he wasn’t supposed to.
She keeps going.
“What about this one? This is more us.”
More us?
This one has a wine cellar.
You drink tequila on Tuesdays and ask if there’s any left.
Now he’s in survival mode.
Zooming in on photos like he’s contributing.
“Hmm… I don’t love the backyard.”
You don’t love the price, my guy.
But we’re not ready to have that conversation.
Because once you say it out loud…
it’s real.
So instead, he doubles down.
“Baby, baby… find the best one.”
Translation:
Please pick something slightly less financially devastating, but I will not say that directly because I’ve already committed to the bit.
Meanwhile, she’s not shopping for a house.
She’s shopping for a feeling.
The one that hits.
The one that just clicks.
The one where she says:
“This is it.”
And that’s the moment it’s over.
Decision made.
Papers not signed.
Numbers not discussed.
Reality not acknowledged.
He nods.
Slowly.
Processing nothing.
Accepting everything.
Because deep down…
he knows two things:
- He cannot afford it
- He’s going to say yes anyway
“Yeah… this is it.”
And just like that—
Baby, baby… she found the best one.