You little "Tanooki Dookie" you!

Let’s talk about Tanooki Mario. You know the one. Cute. Furry. Looks like a raccoon got a hold of a plumber's wardrobe and said, “Yeah, I’m hot now.” He struts into Mario Kart with that smug little tail, those chubby cheeks, and the kind of confidence only a man in a fur suit can have.

But make no mistake: Tanooki Mario is pure chaos disguised in fuzz

Who even is Tanooki Mario?

Tanooki Mario is what happens when regular Mario eats a leaf and suddenly becomes part woodland creature, part road menace. Inspired by the Japanese tanuki (a mythical raccoon-dog trickster), he’s adorable — in the same way your little cousin is adorable right before they flush your AirPods down the toilet and deny everything.

On the Track: The Tanookening

Let me set the scene. You’re in 1st place, you’ve been driving clean, drifting like a pro, bananas are flying, life is good. Then, out of nowhere…

WHAM!
Who just tail-slapped you into 5th place on Rainbow Road?
Tanooki. Freakin’. Mario.

And you know he smirked when he did it. Probably honked his horn and waved too.

Why "Tanooki Dookie"?

Because that's exactly what you mutter under your breath after he ruins your entire race. He's the guy who doesn't throw the blue shell — no, he throws a banana peel at just the right time to make you fall off a cliff — then boosts past you like a fuzzy little jerk.

He’s not the worst character in the game by stats. But spiritually? He’s your personal villain.

He is the Dookie King of Mario Kart — sweet on the outside, but you know deep down, that raccoon suit is covering up a soul of absolute mischief.

The Psychology of a Tanooki Main

Let’s take a look at the type of person who picks Tanooki Mario in multiplayer:

• Smiles too much.
• Says things like “good game!” after wrecking you.
• Has zero remorse for drifting into you at the finish line.
  

They're chaos with a controller. They didn’t come to play fair — they came to tanooki dookie your whole vibe.

Final Thoughts (aka, my public plea to Nintendo)

Dear Nintendo,, we beg you: tone him down. Or at least make his victory laugh less smug. Give the rest of us a chance to enjoy the game without feeling like we just got schooled by a forest-dwelling Italian.

Or maybe… just maybe… I need to get better.

Nah. It’s definitely Tanooki Mario’s fault.
You little “Tanooki Dookie,” you.