Wanna play Sequence?

It starts innocently enough.

Someone—usually your aunt with that look in her eye—casually says, “Wanna play Sequence?” And like an absolute fool, you say yes. Why wouldn’t you? It’s just a board game. A game of strategy. Cards and chips and a board with pictures. No big deal.

Wrong.

Sequence is not a game. It is a declaration of war disguised as an activity for people who pretend not to care if they win. Let me explain.

First of All: The Board Is Lying to You

The board looks friendly—bright colors, orderly grids, cute little card images. But the moment it’s laid out on the table, something shifts. That sweet grandma who brought cookies? She’s suddenly scanning the board like she’s Rain Man counting cards in Vegas.

She didn’t come to knit. She came to dominate.

You’ll Forget How to Breathe When You Miss the Obvious Move

You’ll play a 10 of Spades thinking you’re setting up a slick diagonal. Your teammate, who up until now has been kind and supportive, suddenly looks at you like you just ran over their dog. “You had the JACK. Why didn’t you BLOCK THEM?” And now you’re questioning your entire self-worth. You're Googling “how to disappear mid-game.”

The Jacks Are Not Okay

Let’s talk about the Jacks. Regular Jacks are wild. Two-eyed Jacks? They let you place a chip anywhere. That’s chaos. That’s like giving your little cousin the power to launch nukes because he picked the right card. And don’t get me started on one-eyed Jacks, which let you REMOVE someone else’s chip. That’s not a rule. That’s a felony.

Alliances Are Temporary. Vengeance Is Forever.

You think you’re just teaming up with your wife for a fun couples night? Oh, sweet summer child. The moment she forgets to block a four-in-a-row from Bob, you're Googling "divorce lawyers who accept board game trauma as grounds." And if you're playing 3 teams of 2? Every conversation at the table starts sounding like political backchanneling:

• “I’ll take out their red chip if you block their diagonal…
• ”“Trade me a Diet Coke and we’ll sabotage Greg.”

The End Comes Quickly

One second you’re planning your second sequence, the next you're being yelled at because you let the blue team win. Someone flips the board. Someone else pretends it was "just for fun." But deep down, you know what really happened:

You got Sequence’d.

Final Thoughts

So the next time someone smirks and says, “Wanna play Sequence?” Just know: they don’t want to play. They want to test your intelligence, memory, and emotional fortitude—while pretending it’s a game for 7-year-olds.

But sure.
Grab your chips.
Let’s do this.

Just don’t sit next to Aunt Carol. She’s been undefeated since 1997.