This holiday season, are you gifting cheese boards from Things Remembered?

Be honest.

Are you the person who walks into the mall, wanders past the Tesla, past the Apple Store, past the real brands that actually mean something in 2025… and somehow ends up inside Things Remembered?

Are you… okay?

This holiday season, millions of Americans are about to commit the annual crime of “I put zero thought into you but needed something heavy that ships flat.” The result? Yet another mass-produced, laser-engraved cheese board destined for that kitchen cabinet where gifts go to die.

Let's break down the psychology, shall we?

The Cheese Board Industrial Complex

There is a specific personality type that gifts cheese boards.
It’s the person who thinks Charcuterie is a personality trait.
The person who uses the phrase “little spread” unironically.
The person who still thinks “live, laugh, love” was a cultural high point.

If a cheese board is coming from them, you already know it’s engraved with:

• Your last name
• A random date
• A decorative flourish that looks like a wedding invitation from 2011

And the best part? They think it’s heartfelt.

Things Remembered: Because Nothing Says “Personal” Like Machine-Lasered Wood

If you’ve ever walked into Things Remembered, your first thought was probably:

“Wow… everything here looks like it belongs in a corporate raffle.”

And that’s the energy.
Nothing is more brutally middle-of-the-road than giving someone an object they will never use but now feel emotionally obligated to keep until the end of time.

Congratulations — you’ve gifted guilt.

The Problem Isn’t the Gift. It’s the Effort Level.

Cheese boards from mall engraving kiosks scream:

“I remembered you… around the escalator.”

It’s not generous.
It’s not thoughtful.
It’s not even festive.
It’s the holiday equivalent of forwarding a meme with no caption.

Want to Give Something Real?

Instead of gifting someone a slab of wood that requires them to buy cheese, meat, and grapes just to justify owning it… consider giving something they’ll actually enjoy.

Something with soul.
Something with flavor.
Something you can’t grab off a shelf next to commemorative photo frames and monogrammed keychains.

Like… you know… authentic deep dish pizza shipped from a brand with actual character.

But hey — if your goal this year is to show someone exactly how little imagination you have, by all means:

Go get the cheese board.
Get it engraved.
Wrap it with pride.
And rest easy knowing the moment they open it, you’ve told them everything they need to know.