Do you live in a neighborhood riddled with crime?

So there we were—sipping coffee, minding our business, thinking about deep dish—and BAM: the community drama of the year.

Eight—count 'em, eight—cop cars roll into the neighborhood like it's an episode of CSI: Gated Community. All because someone (no names, we’re keeping this classy-ish) saw… a “possible shooting incident.”

Don’t worry, no one was seriously hurt. But the police were parked there for EIGHT HOURS. Eight. Full. Hours. That’s a full shift on the force or, in Rupiani’s time, the amount of time it takes us to make a single batch of our signature sauce. So yeah, we get it—serious commitment.

While normal people would move on with their lives, our neighbor lived for this. They turned full Nancy Drew meets Nextdoor Moderator, sending live updates in the group chat.

“Cop car #5 just pulled up.”
“Is that a news van?”
“Omg someone bring snacks.”
“Should we form a neighborhood watch?”
“We need a detective dog—does anyone have one?”

Meanwhile, the rest of us were just trying to decide between sausage or pepperoni deep dish for dinner. But nope—we were trapped in Pringle-can-wielding sleuth updates for 8 hours.

So here’s to you, our drama-loving, law-enforcement-tracking, siren-counting Sherlock. Your dedication to neighborhood chaos is unmatched. You’re the real MVP of unnecessarily long text threads.

Next time, instead of live-blogging the cop car count, just order a Rupiani’s 6-Pack and live a little. Because while your neighborhood might not be Chicago, your taste buds can be.