Bankers will never be founders

Let’s say the quiet part out loud:

Bankers will never be founders. Not bad founders. Not failed founders.

Never founders.

Because the exact mental software required to succeed in banking is the same software that makes founding psychologically impossible.

The Banker Brain (A Medical Condition)

The banker brain is a fascinating thing.

It looks intelligent. It sounds intelligent. It wears Patagonia vests and says things like “interesting thesis.”

But it is fundamentally incapable of creation.

The banker brain:

• Needs permission
• Needs precedent
• Needs a spreadsheet to tell it how to feel

Ask a banker what they think about your idea and they won’t say yes or no.

They’ll say: “I’d need to see the numbers.”

Translation: “I’m afraid to trust my own judgment.”

The Spreadsheet Delusion

Bankers believe spreadsheets create reality.

They don’t. They document it after founders already created it.

No spreadsheet predicted:

• Apple
• Nike
• Netflix
• Rupiani's

But bankers love pretending it did.

Give a banker a blank sheet of paper and they freeze. Give them ten years of historical data and they feel like gods.

Founders do the opposite.

Bankers Are Professional Hall Monitors

Bankers don’t build.
They police.

Their job is to walk through the economy with a clipboard saying:

• “That’s risky.”
• “That’s unconventional.”
• “That’s outside mandate.”

They confuse control with competence.

They don’t move capital because they believe.
They move it because policy allows it.

That’s not vision.
That’s compliance.

The Risk Illusion

Here’s the funniest part: Bankers think they’re risk experts.

They aren’t. They’re risk avoiders who get paid to cosplay as risk-takers.

They take:

• Other people’s money
• Other people’s downside
• Guaranteed bonuses

And then lecture founders about prudence.

Nothing screams bravery like betting someone else’s chips and calling it discipline.

Founders Would Get Fired in Banking

A real founder inside a bank would last two weeks.

They’d ask:

• “Why does this take three committees?”
• “Why are we optimizing something nobody loves?”
• “Why don’t we just ship it?”

HR would call security immediately.

Banks don’t want thinkers.
They want operators who don’t rock the boat.

Founders rock the boat.
Then build a new one.

The Pizza Test (Again, But Meaner)

Put a banker in front of a hot oven.

They’ll ask:

• “What’s the liability exposure?”
• “Is there insurance for that?”
• “What’s the failure rate?”

Put a founder there.

They’ll say:

• “That crust is perfect.”
• “The sauce hits.”
• “Ship it.”

One is afraid of heat. The other uses it.

Why Bankers Hate Founders (But Pretend Not To)

Founders represent everything bankers avoided:

• Uncertainty
• Judgment
• Personal risk
• Owning outcomes

It’s easier to dismiss founders than admit: “I chose safety over creation.”

Rupiani’s Was Never a Banker Idea

Rupiani’s violates every banker instinct:

• Heavy product
• Premium inputs
• Zero preservatives
• Obsessive attention to sauce
• National shipping for something “too regional”

No banker would greenlight this.

Which is exactly why it works.

Banker ideas taste like nothing.
Founder ideas taste like Chicago.

Final Thought (Read This Slowly)

If your idea makes bankers uncomfortable —
If it doesn’t fit their models —
If they say “come back when it’s proven” —

Good.

Founders don’t ask permission from people whose entire job is saying no.

Bankers manage money.
Founders create reality.

One moves numbers.
The other moves culture.

And culture is what people remember.