Baby, want to move to California?
So you’ve been scrolling Zillow again.
You saw a sun-drenched Spanish bungalow in Silver Lake listed for $2.3 million and thought, “That could be us.” You whispered it out loud while your significant other heated up frozen Trader Joe’s enchiladas. The dishwasher rattled. The cat puked on the carpet. And you said it again:
“Baby… want to move to California?”
It always starts like this. A sunset photo. A beachy reel. Seeing first-hand a successful entrepreneur living the California dream, with a mango in one hand and generational wealth in the other.
Your heart says Los Angeles or Coastal Orange County. But your bank account says “Let’s circle back in Q4.”
You love California — in theory.
You imagine Whole Foods runs in a vintage Bronco, barefoot brunch in Venice, and catching sunsets after a “casual” 10 a.m. hike you somehow don’t sweat through.
You don't imagine the $6 oat milk latte, $9 gas, $4,300 rent for a 1-bed with “character,” and needing to make $190k just to feel broke in peace.
You posted “take me back 🌴” under a Newport Beach carousel. The algorithm knows you’re weak.
You made a budget.
You looked at your finances and said, “If we cut streaming, stop eating out, and get roommates, we can do this.”
You forgot to budget for parking tickets, therapy, earthquake insurance, and that your dog will need a $600 vet consult after stepping on a sea urchin during a “spontaneous” Malibu day trip.
You say, “We’ll just live modestly.” In California, that means you only spend $18 on a poke bowl.
Your friends are tired of you.
Every time someone says “It’s a little chilly today,” you go, “Ugh. In LA it’s 75 right now.”
Yes. We know. You remind us every 3 days. You’ve said “If I lived there, I’d wake up early and surf” so many times your Apple Watch buzzed out of pity.
Your plan? Manifest it.
You posted an Instagram Story of The Hills theme song with the caption: "New chapter coming soon 👀"
Then you applied to a fully remote job that pays $48k and has no relocation stipend. You googled “van life” for 45 minutes before remembering you hate being outside.
So baby, want to move to California?
Of course you do. We all do.
But until you find an extra $12k/month under your couch cushions or marry someone with a trust fund and a golden retriever named Atlas…
You’ll have to settle for California rolls, California scents, and California dreams. From your Southwest living room. With Zillow open. Again.
